


Worlds Collide

by Meltha



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-08
Updated: 2011-11-08
Packaged: 2017-10-25 20:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/274385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meltha/pseuds/Meltha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of the implosion of Sunnydale, Dru goes on a very wild ride.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worlds Collide

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All Buffyverse characters are owned by Mutant Enemy (Joss Whedon), a wonderfully creative company whose characters I have borrowed for a completely profit-free flight of fancy. All _Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends_ characters are owned by Cartoon Network and Craig McCracken. Absolutely no profit is made from this. Kindly do not sue me, please, as I am terrified of you. Thank you.
> 
> Written for druturns10 in honor of Drusilla’s tenth anniversary

Sunnydale was now a very large, very empty pothole. Absolutely nothing remained of it. The high school, the abandoned factory, Angelus’s mansion, even Spike’s crypt, all of them were utterly destroyed.

“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” mumbled a woman quietly as she stared down into the pit in morose thought. “My pretty Spike has blown away in the wind, and all the lovely, vicious puppies who wanted to come up out of the earth and play are gone far, far away. The party has ended, and there’s nothing left to do but blow out the candles and go to bed.”

Darkness enveloped the landscape, and it seemed as though there was nothing left alive for miles in every direction. Then, from far away, Drusilla’s sensitive ears picked up the sound of a motor coming closer. She turned listlessly, her demonic face to the forefront, barely interested. She was intent on meeting the dawn and joining Spike as a swirl of dust on the wind, but as the vehicle came closer, even she raised an eyebrow in surprise, or she would have if she had eyebrows while in vampface.

It was a bus, and not just any bus, but a multi-colored, trippy, hippie-style school bus, its headlights blazing brightly. It stopped at the crater that was Sunnydale, and the motor shut off. A few seconds later, the door opened and a red-haired girl walked out, holding a map and looking perplexed.

“I’m telling you, Grandma, this canyon thing isn’t on the map anywhere,” she called back towards the bus.

Drusilla, actually curious, wandered towards the strange bus.

“Are you Partridges?” she asked, coming closer but not quite into the light of the headlights.

“Uh… no?” said the girl uncertainly.

“I thought not,” Drusilla responded. “There are no pear trees here. Or Danny Bonaduce.”

“Right,” the girl said, a little perturbed. “Say, do you know where someplace called ‘Sunnydale’ is?”

“Yeah,” Dru said. “It’s in the hole. It all went away. Kaboom.”

“Oh,” the red-head said, looking uncertainly into the crater. “Well, I guess we can’t pick up someone if there’s no place left to pick them up.”

Just then, Drusilla came close enough so the girl could actually see her. She’d decided that, if she was going to die, she might as well not go on to the next world hungry, especially when the food delivered itself. As the headlights glinted off her yellow eyes and fangs, the last expression she had expected came across the girl’s face: relief.

“Hey!” she said, walking towards her and shaking her hand. Drusilla was confused, which was not unusual. “Look, sorry we’re here a little late, but we got lost coming down the freeway.”

“Have we met?” Drusilla asked.

“No, I don’t think so,” the girl said as she started to usher her towards the bus. “We got a note from your girl that her family was moving out of Sunnydale really fast and she couldn’t bring you with her, so we came out to bring you back ourselves.”

“My… girl?” Drusilla said.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, get on the bus, we’ve got a long way to go and I’d like to get back to the house before dawn,” she said, steering Drusilla up the bus stairs and into one of the seats. “Just sit anywhere, but not on Grandma, of course. She came along because she worried about me being out alone at night, but so far, no weirdoes in sight.”

Dru peered over the top of one of the chairs and found an incredibly little old lady sitting there, a pair of enormous spectacles perched on her nose, clasping a handbag and smiling pleasantly.

“Sit down, dearie,” she said, patting the seat.

“Thank you, dearie,” Drusilla said, sitting beside her.

“My, you are an unusual imaginary friend, aren’t you?” asked the little old lady, taking in Drusilla’s bumpy face, feline eyes, and gigantic teeth. “Your girl must have been quite, um, unique!”

“Imaginary friend?” Drusilla said. She was feeling more puzzled than usual today, and that was saying something.

“Yes, of course,” the woman said, then stopped speaking for a moment as both Drusilla and she were thrown up off the seat to hang suspended in midair in the wake of the bus hitting a particularly large bump. “Air time!” she called out merrily, giggling madly as she came back down onto the seat. “Frankie’s got a bit of a lead foot, but I can’t bring myself to complain when it’s so much fun!”

“Where are we going?” Drusilla asked.

“Oh, I haven’t even introduced myself,” the woman apologized. “I’m Madam Foster. We’re headed off to Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends. You can stay there until someone comes to adopt you.”

“Adopt?”

“Yes, oh, my, we do have quite a load of friends there just now, but we’ll be able to squeeze you in somewhere,” Madam Foster explained. “I suppose you feel a bit sad getting left behind, don’t you?”

“They always leave me,” sniffled Drusilla, her sadness returning.

“Aww, buck up, kiddo,” the woman said, producing a pink hankie from her handbag and handing it to her. “We’ll get you all sorted out, and before you know it you’ll be playing patty cake and hopscotch again.”

Well, that sounded promising at any rate. Drusilla dabbed at her eyes delicately then returned the handkerchief.

“Want a mint?” asked Madam Foster.

“Okay,” Drusilla said, popping it in her mouth and staring out the window. “It’s been a very odd day. The others left on a bus too, but it was yellow. I missed it.”

“Uh-huh,” Madam Foster said. “Oh, you’ll feel right as rain once you get a few hours shut eye and some grub, don’t you worry.”

Dru had absolutely nothing better to do than ride a psychedelic bus through the night with a speeding redhead and an old lady who seemed to think she was imaginary but who also had very nice mints, so she went along with it. She supposed it was more fun than burning up in the sun would have been, thought she couldn’t be sure.

A few hours later, the bus pulled up outside a very strange house. A huge tree stood in the front yard, its drooping branches looking oddly like octopus arms. The house itself was very tall, a rusty orange color, and full of spires, pointed balustrades, gingerbread work, and dozens of windows. It was utterly impossible to figure out how many rooms it might contain. Drusilla stared up at it in wonder.

“Whew! Grandma, the sun’s almost up,” Frankie said as she gently herded the old woman and their new guest up the sidewalk, though the tall wrought iron gates, and up to the front porch. “I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for some sleep.”

“Just give me a cup of coffee and I’ll be peppy for hours,” Madam Foster said. “You go ahead, Frankie. I’ll show our new friend around.”

Drusilla stopped cold on the portal of the house, unable to break the barrier, which perturbed her as she really wanted to get inside. The place looked interesting at the very least.

“Well, what are you waiting around for! An invitation?” Madam Foster said, looking back over her shoulder.

“Actually, yes,” Drusilla said glumly.

“Well, come on in!” she called loudly over her shoulder.

“That was rather easier than usual,” Drusilla said, entering the gigantic entry hall and staring at the shockingly pink walls. She was just trying to figure out what about the place made everything look oddly two-dimensional when a chicken leg walked by.

“Hey,” it said casually. “Nice to meet you.”

“Hello,” Drusilla responded gravely, waiting for the typical look of confusion from Madam Foster that she received from most people when chicken legs talked to her.

“Hey there yourself,” Madam Foster said, looking directly at the walking chicken leg. “You’re up early.”

“Well, they don’t call it ‘getting up with the chickens’ for nothing,” he said, appearing to shrug his shoulders, no small accomplishment considering he had none, then wandered off.

“Pardon me,” Drusilla said, rather amazed, “but were you talking to the chicken leg?”

“Sure,” Madam Foster said, giving her an odd look. “Who did you think I was talking to? Myself?”

Drusilla blinked in amazement. On their way up to her new room, she saw a green llama who spoke in an Indian accent, two unicorns, and a woman with distorted features and lemon-yellow skin garbed in a turban and bathrobe, as well as a host of other strange beings. To her surprise and delight, Madam Foster also saw every single one of them and spoke to each one in turn, introducing Drusilla to them as their new guest. All of them replied most civilly, except for the turban lady who sniffed disdainfully and walked off as though she smelled something funny.

“Don’t mind Duchess. She’s like that with everyone, dearie,” Madam Foster said apologetically before stopping outside one of the rooms. “We’re a bit crowded at the moment, so you’ll have to bunk in here with a few other friends. Just go on in and get acquainted.”

“Okay,” Drusilla agreed, but as Madam Foster was just about to walk away, she added, “You’re nice. I think I like you.”

“That’s dandy,” Madam Foster said, smiling broadly. “I’ve got to get some shuteye though before the big bowling match tonight or else I’ll be shooting gutter balls until the cows come home.”

“Moo?” said a passing green and blue spotted cow.

“Not you, Squidgy,” Madam Foster giggled as she left, calling over her shoulder, “If you feel like having breakfast, just grab something!”

“That’s what I usually do,” Drusilla said, smiling a bit too widely before turning the doorknob.

Inside the room she found four figures snoring away soundly, though it was very difficult to see them without the lights on. Rather than just killing them all as they slept, Drusilla decided that perhaps they might be interesting as well. When she flipped the light switch, she found she had been right.

“Awwww, man!” whined a high pitched voice in one layer of the triple decker bunkbed. “What moron turned on the lights this early?”

“Is no time to get up yet, si?” replied a much deeper voice with a Spanish accent.

“I don’t care if it’s time yet or not,” said the first voice, sounding mightily annoyed. “I was dreaming about being Emperor of the Entire Known Universe and Beyond, and I was just telling my willing vassals where to put the chocolate fudge swimming pool.”

“Again?” the other voice replied.

“Again,” the first voice confirmed. “Hey, it’s a great dream, so who cares if it’s a rerun.”

“Um, excuse me?” said a third voice. “I’m sorry, but I think we have a visitor.”

At once, three sets of eyes appeared from underneath their coverlets, swiftly followed by one figure getting up to more closely examine Drusilla. It was completely blue from head to foot, except for two large white eyes, which were currently staring at her incredulously.

“Are you a blankie?” she asked, looking at him in confusion.

“The name’s Bloo,” he said, eye her critically. “Who imagined you? A kid with a fear of dentists?”

“No,” Drusilla said, unsure whether or not to be offended.

Another figure got up as well, this one fire-engine red and roughly seven feet tall.

“Hi,” he said, sounding very friendly, “I’m Wilt. I’ve got to say, it’s a real pleasure to meet you, and gosh, that’s a pretty dress. Um, excuse me, but I have to shake hands with my left, what with not having a right and all.”

“How do you do?” Drusilla said, curtsying gravely.

“Gosh, I’m swell,” Wilt said, smiling.

“You sound a little like the old Mayor,” Drusilla said, tilting her head curiously. “Do you like snakes at all?”

“SNAKES! WHERE IS SNAKES!” yelled the last occupant in bed, who jumped to the floor with his eyes starting out of his head in terror.

“There aren’t any snakes,” Wilt said reassuringly to the very large, very purple, very hairy thing. “Really, it’s all completely okay, Eduardo.”

“Snakes scare me,” Eduardo said, shivering at the thought. “They have those pointy fangs and shiny eyes and no eyebrows and…”

He stopped dead, staring at Drusilla.

“AAAAGH!” he screamed, running past her and out the door, and by the sound of it, falling down the stairway in his hurry to get away.

“Um, I’m sorry,” Wilt said apologetically. “Eduardo’s kinda…”

“A massive crybaby,” Bloo finished. “But man, is he gonna be embarrassed when he realizes he left without his pants.”

“I’ve done that,” Drusilla said conversationally, still trying to decide who to eat. “It gets most chilly.”

A faint yelp of distress followed by a string of Spanish words uttered in unmistakable distress floated up from the grounds below.

“I think he just figured it out,” Bloo said, grinning wickedly.

“Coco?” said a voice from directly behind Drusilla.

She spun around quickly to find a green, white, and blue bird on a makeshift nest in the corner.

“Coco cococo co coco co co?” it said. “Coco Coco.”

“Nice to meet you as well, Coco,” Drusilla answered, “and no, I don’t care for avocados either.”

“You understand Coco?” Wilt said, obviously impressed.

“Certainly,” Drusilla said.

Coco blinked her eyes, squatted, and produced a green plastic egg, which she kicked to Drusilla.

“A pair of ski boots?” she asked after opening it like a pantyhose container. “That’s… very nice.”

“Coco cocococo co-co-co-co coco,” Coco said, motioning with her head towards the other two.

“Yes, I suppose it would be annoying having three boy roommates,” Drusilla agreed, “though I’ve made do with two before. That was rather fun, really. I got lots of exercise.”

“Cococo co,” Coco said accusingly at Bloo.

“I do not snore,” Bloo said defensively. “That’s Eduardo.”

“Cococo co coco co cococo,” she said firmly.

“I’m sorry, but she’s right, Bloo,” Wilt said. “Eduardo is scared of snoring, so it’s not him.”

“Coco cococo co co co?” Coco asked, fluttering to the ground.

“No, thank you,” Drusilla responded. “I think I’ll take a nap before I eat breakfast.”

“Well, we’ll see you later,” Wilt said as he joined Coco in heading out the door. “Nice meeting you and all.”

“Mmm-hmm,” Dru said, eyeing him thoughtfully. All that red was making her hungry.

“I hope we get muffins this morning,” Bloo said as he went past. “The little pleated paper liner thingies are just what I need for my next super-amazing project to become fabulously wealthy and famous that I’m doing with Mac this afternoon.”

“I think we’re getting oatmeal,” Wilt said consolingly from the hallway.

“Oatmeal?!” Bloo whined. “I can’t power a mega-charged time machine-slash-apple-peeler with oatmeal! Unless… I rotate the power coupling! Ah-ha! I’m a genius!”

With that, the little blue thing shot out the door, laughing maniacally.

“They’re all very odd,” Drusilla said, shaking her head. “I like it here.”

Drusilla considered the triple bunk bed, but, after very carefully securing the drapes in place, she chose to sleep in Coco’s nest. She did hope the bird wouldn’t mind, and if she did, she supposed she could kill her, but it had been ages since she’d had such an intelligent conversationalist around, not since her potted geranium Esmeralda had died of leaf rot. She sniffed sadly at the thought of her long-lost friend, then settled in to sleep for the rest of the day.

Shortly before sunset, Drusilla awoke with her stomach rumbling loudly.

“Goodness, that isn’t ladylike at all,” she said, shuddering. “Mummy would be most displeased. I’d best find something to snack upon before I shake the house down around me, though that might be fun.”

She considered lying in wait for Bloo to return, but decided against it since he seemed to actually be a blanket, and blankets generally didn’t have much blood in them. What they did have was lint, which stuck to her teeth very badly, and as she had no tooth floss with her, she decided against biting Bloo. She had not, however, ruled out setting him on fire at some point, but not just now. Eduardo was another option, and the scent of fear was so thick around him that he would be very, very sweet, but he also smelled of taco sauce, and that tended to make Drusilla dyspeptic. Since bird was not her favorite snack, that left Wilt.

No sooner had she decided on this very rational plan than a soft knock sounded through the room.

“Um, excuse me?” whispered the red one. “Dru, are you up yet?”

“Mmm-hmm,” she said, licking her lips as he entered the room.

“Gosh, you sure slept a long time. You must have been really, really tired,” he said sympathetically. “Say, you haven’t seen a basketball sitting around in here, have you?”

Drusilla shook her head.

“No?” he said, then sighed. “Darn. I just don’t know where it could have got to.”

As he bent down to search through a toybox by the window, Drusilla pounced, her fangs descending into his flesh.

“Hey now!” Wilt said, giggling. “That tickles!”

Drusilla pulled back, confused by the total lack of any blood, let alone screaming or pleading for mercy. In fact, she couldn’t remember anyone ever giggling before when she bit them, well, except for that one girl at Woodstock who smelled very funny and tasted even funnier. Dru frowned, tested that her fangs were down by tapping her tongue against them, then tried to bite Wilt again, who was still giggling.

“Hee! Oh, hey,” he said, turning suddenly serious. “You aren’t, like, trying to make out with me or something, are you?”

“Not really, no,” Drusilla said, rubbing her fingers over her fangs. They certainly seemed sharp.

“Gosh, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Wilt said, preening a little. “I mean, I am a big basketball star and all, but I don’t really like you, you know, that way. I’m sorry.”

Drusilla felt momentarily ashamed that she had tried killing such an extremely polite gentleman, then got over it.

“Why don’t you have any blood?” she asked him.

“Uh… because I’m imaginary?” he said, shrugging. “We imaginary friends generally don’t bleed.”

“You’re imaginary?” Drusilla said, trying to comprehend this.

“Yup,” Wilt said proudly, “just like you!”

“I’m imaginary?” Drusilla asked, her eyes growing wider.

“You sure are!” Wilt said, patting her firmly on the back.

Drusilla shrugged.

“You know, that explains a lot,” Dru said, biting her lip and thinking hard.

“Of course it does. Say, if you’re hungry, I gotta say, Frankie made a really good spaghetti dinner tonight, and there’s some left over downstairs,” Wilt said.

“Uh-huh,” Drusilla said, remembering the red-haired girl. She most definitely had a heartbeat; Dru had heard it on the bus ride. “She’s not imaginary, is she?”

“Nope,” Wilt said, checking under the bed for his lost basketball. “She’s a human.”

“That’s very good to know,” Drusilla said, smiling in a way that was not at all reassuring as she left the room. If she was an imaginary friend, and that was something she hadn’t quite processed yet, she was a very hungry one, and she knew exactly what she wanted to eat.

***

After Drusilla left, Wilt continued to rummage through the room, looking for his basketball. By the time he actually found it (it had been in Coco’s nest; she had thought it was a stray egg), Eduardo had returned, still shaking visibly, with Bloo in tow.

“Look, Ed,” Bloo said, throwing himself down on the bed, “I’m telling you, you are getting way too paranoid.”

“I am not!” he cried defensively. “I tell you, there is something spooky about that Drusilla!”

“Like what?” asked Bloo, examining his fingernails boredly, which was no mean feet as he hadn’t appeared to have arms, let alone fingernails, a moment ago.

“She’s got those muy scary big eyes and sharp pointy teeth,” he said, shuddering.

“Ed, I have to say, you’ve got big eyes and pointy teeth too,” Wilt said, “and we’re not scared of you.”

Eduardo decided not to tell his friends he’d gone through a stage last month when he had put a towel over all the bathroom mirrors because he had gotten too scared every time he saw himself. He’d also realized it was very difficult to run away from himself.

“Yah, I’ve got eyes and teeth, but she no comes out during the day,” Eduardo pointed out. “She like a big monster that way.”

“Hmm,” said Wilt, considering, “well, I’ve heard of kids being afraid of the dark. Maybe she’s afraid of the light.”

“Well, maybe,” Eduardo admitted. After all, he’d gone through a scared-of-the-light phase himself. “But there still something weird about her. You no notice nothing weird about her, Wilt?”

“Gosh, now that you mention it, she did sort of try to bite me earlier,” Wilt said, thinking hard.

Bloo sat up at that.

“She tried to bite you?” he said, mouth dropping open.

“Yeah, well, I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that. I mean, she was a little embarrassed and all,” Wilt said, immediately regretting that he’s said anything.

“Wait, so this new ‘imaginary friend,’’” Bloo said, drawing air quotes around the words, “has big glowing eyes, sharp fangs, doesn’t go out in daylight, and tried to bite you?”

“Uh-huh, yup, that’s about right,” Wilt said.

“You know what this means?” Bloo said, looking like Christmas had come early.

“YAH!” Eduardo yelled, “It means Drusilla is really a big scary vam…”

“She’s an alien from the planet Jodondawanda who’s come here to take over the world!” Bloo said, hopping up and down.

“That seems kind of… far-fetched,” Wilt said, frowning.

“Why? It all fits!” Bloo said. “Drusilla must. Be. Stopped!”

“That I can agree with,” Eduardo said, nodding fervently, then adding, “uh, as long as we can do that very, very safely.”

“If you think that’s a good idea, Bloo,” Wilt said. “I don’t know, though. Some of your plans kind of turn out… not so well sometimes. Not that you aren’t a great person and all!”

“It’s settled, then,” Bloo said, his voice dropping conspiratorially as he ignored Wilt’s last comment. “Tomorrow afternoon, when Mac gets here, we move.”

“Move where?” asked Eduardo. “I don’t want to move. I like it here!”

Bloo thwapped Eduardo on the back of the head.

Coco, however, remained completely absent for the rest of the evening.

***

Drusilla spent the entire night wandering aimlessly through the house, trying to find Frankie, but it seemed she had found everything but her. She had wandered through an old theatre, hundreds of bedrooms, dozens of bathrooms, corridors that led to more corridors, and an elevator that went up and down until she was giddy. Afterwards, she had gone onto the grounds and found a stable full of multi-colored (and very unfeminine) unicorns as well as a sea monster named Cedric who lived in a lake. During her travels she had met everything from a talking pink kitty to a two-headed man with one pair of trousers to imaginary fleas. All in all, it was a very normal day for Drusilla, but no matter where she looked, she couldn’t find Frankie. She was getting very, very hungry now.

Shortly before dawn, she returned to the room she shared with Bloo, Ed, Wilt, and Coco. As Coco’s nest was still unoccupied, Drusilla curled up in it and fell fast asleep. She didn’t seem to notice that three sets of eyes were watching her intently from the triple decker bed, though one pair was squeezed shut in terror. However, all she did was snore delicately from time to time.

Bloo, ever the ringleader, got up silently, and by waving his arms wildly around his head, urged the other two to get up as well. They tiptoed out to the hallway, where the three of them put their heads together.

“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do,” Bloo began.

“Shouldn’t we stake the big bad vampire while she is sleeping?” Eduardo interrupted.

Bloo stared at him.

“One: There are no such things as vampires. Drusilla is obviously an alien,” Bloo said, drawing out the last word so it seemed to last ten seconds. “Two: It’s boring to fight something while it’s asleep. Where’s the fun in that?”

“You people are all crazy,” Eduardo said, half-whimpering.

“Oh, can it,” Bloo said impatiently. “I have a plan.”

“Does it include staking the va--alien while it is sleeping?” Eduardo asked rapidly.

“No,” Bloo said coldly. “First we go to breakfast. After that, we start to build our trap.”

“Trap?” Wilt asked.

“Yeah. Now, imagine for a second that you’re an alien, billions of miles from home. You’re homesick. You’re lonely. What are you going to do?” Bloo asked.

“Um, go to Disneyland?” Wilt suggested.

“Cry?” Eduardo asked.

“No,” Bloo said, voice barely hiding his disdain for these lesser fools. “You’re going to be all maudlin and keep looking up at the sky where your home is, right?”

“I can see that,” Wilt said.

“So, if you want to stargaze at the good old planet of Wangdoodle…” Bloo began.

“I thought you say she was from Jodondawanda,” Wilt said, looking confused.

“Whatever,” Bloo said dismissively. “The point is, she’s going to want to look at the stars. And where’s the absolutely most spectacularest spot to look at the stars at Foster’s?”

“The observatory,” Eduardo said, light dawning.

“Exactly,” Bloo said, “so that’s where we’re going to bait our trap… right after we eat.”

***

By the time Mac showed up for his daily afterschool visit, Bloo’s plan was nearly complete. He’d been held up at school by parent-teacher conference night, where he’d worked concessions. Thankfully, Mr. Herriman hadn’t immediately put Bloo up for re-adoption this time.

“Uh, Bloo?” Mac said, staring up at the collection of odds and ends that were decorating the observatory on the sixth floor. “What is all this stuff?”

“This ‘stuff’ as you call it,” Bloo said, gesturing to the trap he, Ed, and Wilt had so carefully prepared, “is how we’re going to trap Drusilla the alien!”

“Priscilla the who?” Mac asked.

“Drusilla, our new roommate,” Wilt said, smiling broadly as he hammered a last 2x4 into place with a tin can. “Bloo thinks she’s from Wangwanda.”

“That’s Wangdoodle… or possibly Johondawanda,” Bloo said knowledgably. “Do you think you can stay tonight, Mac?”

“Sure, I should be able to sleepover, what with it not being a school night. I’ll just call Mom from the phone in the kitchen and let her know,” Mac said, going back down the stairs.

“I still say she is a big scary vampire,” Eduardo muttered under his breath as he tied a used jump rope to a flower pot, letting it swing back and forth in midair.

Only a few minutes later, just as the sun dipped below the horizon, sure enough, there was the sound of footsteps on the stairway leading up to the observatory.

“You think that’s her?” Wilt asked, nervous.

“Who else in this house twirls when they’re walking up the stairs?” Bloo said intelligently.

“That ballerina imaginary friend who just came in from Cleveland,” Eduardo replied instantly.

“Okay, who other than her?” Bloo snapped.

“Well, there is that really dizzy hippopotamus with the spangled tank top,” Wilt said.

“Oh, come on, just hide already!” Bloo said, and they all took up their assigned spots.

Sure enough, just as soon as they were out of sight, Drusilla’s head came through the hatch and into the observatory. The picture of homesick longing, she looked up at the stars and sighed pathetically.

“NOW!” Bloo yelled.

Wilt and Eduardo each pulled on levers that should have sent a piled of assorted debris crashing down on Drusilla’s head. Should have, but didn’t. Instead, two empty buckets, a bag full of marbles, a squeeze bottle of mustard, and the remains of a soap box derby racer rained down on Bloo.

“Oh my,” Drusilla said, alarmed. “Are you hurt at all?”

“No,” Bloo said grumpily as she helped him take one of the buckets off his head. “Something obviously was off with the balance flux capacitor thingy.”

“Is that like a dangling preposition?” Drusilla asked curiously.

“I don’t know, but I’m not sure what those are anyway,” Bloo said as he gathered the tattered remains of his dignity about himself.

“I’m not sure either,” she replied, “but they always sound vaguely naughty. What were you trying to do?”

“We thought you might be an alien,” Wilt offered helpfully, then slapped his hand over his mouth. “I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that, should I?”

“Alien? I suppose I am, in a way,” she said, considering. “I didn’t really come across the border legally, after all.”

“Not that kind of alien,” Bloo said, waving her words away. “So which is it? Jodondawanda or Wangdoodle?”

“Are you feeling well?” Drusilla said suspiciously. “Did the bucket bump your head very hard? People ask me that sometimes, but they never get to ask twice, so I don’t mind.”

“I’m not nuts!” Bloo said, then looked crestfallen. “You’re not from another planet?”

“No,” Drusilla said quite truthfully. “I listen to them sometimes, though. They whirl with the music of the spheres, and they dance in the heavens without ever stepping on one another’s toes. Really, they’re quite talented.”

The three of them exchanged a look, then shrugged. There were much weirder things around than Drusilla.

“See!” Eduardo yelled happily. “I tell you she is not an alien!”

“Right,” Bloo said sarcastically. “You thought she was a vampire. That’s soooo much less embarrassing than my simple little mistake that anyone could totally have made.”

“That’s right,” Drusilla said, looking directly at Eduardo.

“See? Dru agrees with me,” Bloo said with satisfaction. “Anyone could totally have made that slip.”

“Uh, Bloo?” Wilt said, edging closer to him. “I’m not sure that’s what she meant.”

“What else could she have meant?” Bloo said, exasperated. “What, that Eduardo was right about her being… a…”

Bloo looked at the smile curling over Drusilla’s exceptionally long teeth.

At that exact moment, Mac came bounding back up the stairs and into the observatory.

“Mom said it’s fine!” he called. “I can stay the night and… whoa!”

Drusilla had heard the human heartbeat and, not having eaten for several days, she lunged for Mac faster than humanly, or even imaginarily, possible. Luckily, Bloo, Wilt, and Eduardo, when put to the test, turned out to be very good friends of Mac’s indeed. Before Drusilla could bite, all three of them had charged her, knocking her, as well as Mac, back down the steps and into the attic. The five of them tussled angrily on the floor, Drusilla crazy (well, moreso than normal) from the thump-thump of Mac’s heart, Bloo banging her over the head with a handy skateboard, Wilt yelling intermittently, “I gotta say, that is really not right!” and Eduardo roaring loudly and pummeling anyone within reach. Still, things looked pretty bleak for the imaginary friends and Mac against the master vampire until suddenly…

“COCO! COCO-COCOCO CO!” shrieked Coco (who else?), and a new warrior entered the fray.

“Get out of my way, dearies!” Madam Foster hollered. “She’s all mine!”

Everyone stopped fighting just long enough to stare at the little old lady, whose glasses were glittering brightly in the moonlight pouring through one of the mullioned windows.

“I’d rather not kill you since you remind me of my gran, but if I have to, I will,” Drusilla said threateningly.

Mac gave her a swift kick in the shins just then, saying, “You’re not gonna hurt Madam Foster!”

“Yeah!” chimed in Bloo, Ed, and Wilt.

“Mac, you and the others back away now,” Madam Foster said, crouching into a fighting stance. “I’ll handle this.”

“Coco co cococo!” Coco exclaimed before laying a pink plastic egg and tossing it to Madam Foster. Inside it was a wooden stake.

“Huh?” Drusilla said, stunned.

“Oh, I guess you didn’t know about that little spell the Slayer did three nights ago, the one that activated all the potential Slayers around the world?” Madam Foster said.

“She did?” Drusilla said, looking confused. “I thought there could only be one. If there’s more than one, that’s cheating, and someone needs to go to the penalty box for icing, or is it frosting?”

“Well, there’s a slew of Slayers now,” Madam Foster giggled, then added, “That’s funny, you know, since ‘slew’ is the past participle of ‘slay.’”

“Do you know what a dangling preposition is?” Drusilla asked hopefully.

“Those happen when the object of a preposition comes before the preposition or isn’t present at all,” she explained, tossing the stake from hand to hand, “but enough about grammar! A few nights ago, I felt this big rush of power shoot through me, all the way from my head to my toes!”

“A whole foot then, huh?” Bloo said.

Madam Foster gave him a look that silenced him, then continued, “At the time I thought it was the enchilada I had for dinner, but it turns out I’m one of the Chosen Ones!”

“You are Harry Potter?” Eduardo asked, confused.

“No,” Madam Foster said, “but you’re close! Coco here turned out to be a plant for the Watcher’s Council. She figured out Drusilla here was a vampire from the moment she showed up, and she’s spent the last twenty-four hours training me in mortal combat with the undead, and let me tell you, I am pooped!”

“You’re a Slayer,” Drusilla said, staring down at the tiny woman.

“Yep,” Madam Foster said. “Now get away from Mac and pick on someone your own size! Well, symbolically speaking, anyway.”

What followed was a battle of epic proportions the likes of which no one had ever seen before. With Coco screaming encouragements on the sidelines and Bloo, Ed, Mac, and Wilt too stunned to move, Madam Foster performed a series of backflips and landed on Drusilla’s shoulders. The vampire spun around, flinging the Slayer off her, only to have her land on the floor and bite her ankle very hard indeed. While Drusilla was hopping around on one foot in pain, Madam Foster delivered a karate chop to her knee, sending her sprawling to the floor. However, when she tried to stake the vampire, Drusilla rolled away too quickly, and the stake was left quivering in the floorboards.

“Coco!” yelled Coco, who produced a green egg that contained a fully loaded crossbow. “Co coco coco cococo!”

“Gotcha, C-Gal!” Madam Foster said, catching it in midair.

By this time, Drusilla was quite through with Foster’s. She decided that, given the circumstances, it might be best if she fled. Now.

“You people are all crazy!” she screamed over her shoulder as an arrow flew past her ear and landed in the door frame.

“Look who’s talking!” Madam Foster laughed, still in hot pursuit.

Desperately looking for an escape, Drusilla dived off through a window and hurtled through the air to the lawn far below.

“Ouch,” she said, rubbing her posterior as she stood.

Glancing around wildly, she noticed the psychedelic bus still parked in front of the house, and unbelievably, it was running. She dashed towards it and found Frankie in the front seat, just about to pull the bus into its garage for the night. Drusilla pounded on the door.

“What’s up, Dru?” Frankie said curiously as she opened the bus doors.

Drusilla considered making a quick snack out of her, but figured that making an enemy of Madam Foster probably wasn’t a wise decision. Instead, she picked her up and threw her through the open doors. Frankie landed with an “Ooof!” on the grass, but was she was unharmed.

“How does one make this thing move!” Drusilla grumbled to herself, knowing Madam Foster must be rushing down the stairs even as she spoke. She vaguely remembered that Spike swore a lot at his DeSoto, but she wasn’t about to do that. After all, she was a lady. Finally, she tried yanking the big stick on the floor, and suddenly the bus was moving… in reverse, but it was moving.

“Wheeeee!” she called as she sped down the street, still going backwards, just as the others came clambering through the front gate of Foster’s. “This is more fun than pirouetting with the pixies!”

Though Drusilla had enjoyed her time at Foster’s, it really was a bit too crazy for her. As she drove off (still in reverse) into the moonrise, she decided that the world was far too interesting a place for her to become all dusty yet. Besides, there was always Daddy to annoy.

“Well, that was an adventure,” Madam Foster said pluckily. “Thanks for all the training, Coco.”

“Co coco,” she replied.

“So… Eduardo was actually right?” Bloo said, staring in disbelief at the purple monster.

“He sure was,” Wilt agreed. “I gotta say, I’m impressed. That’s great!”

“Do you have to move away and do Slayer-type things now, Madam Foster?” asked Mac.

“Nah,” Madam Foster said. “I’m a wee bit above the retirement age.”

“Coco coco cocococococo,” Coco said ominously.

“I guess you’re right, Coco,” Madam Foster agreed. “You’re never too old to fight the forces of evil… or to eat chocolate chip cookies! Race all of you to the kitchen!”

As Madam Foster sped by them at superhuman speed, Bloo stared after her.

“Is it me,” he asked slowly, “or is Madam Foster kind of… hot now?”

“Ew,” said Mac, who after all was still a long way from puberty, before the rest of them ran to the kitchen to see if there were any cookies left.


End file.
